Let it Go

We all have those moments of frustration and anger. This powerful emotion takes over our whole body. We feel our heart start to beat faster as heat radiates through our body. In some situations, the urge to yell and use foul language may become more prominent. We feel unable to contain our feelings and we may allow ourselves to say and do things that are usually out of our character. My friends, it is ok to feel frustration and anger. However, it is up to us to manage those feelings and let it go. I have found that in times of anger it is best to remove myself, calm my body, take a break, vent and then let it go. Here are my steps to diffusing anger.

1. Remove Yourself from the Situation

Communication is always the best way to resolve an issue. However, if you are in an argument with someone and there seems to be no chance of resolution at the time, kindly say your peace and then remove yourself physically. Unfortunately, there are some people who are unwilling to compromise and find a solution. This is not your fault! Don’t allow this person to ruin your day. They are not worth lowering your character for. And they are not worth spending your precious time in negativity. Be the better person and don’t let yourself become aggressive in demeanor.

2. Calm Your Body

After removing yourself, try to find a quiet place to calm your body. In situations where I feel immense anger, my body starts to shake and my heart pounds noticeably. This makes it harder for me to continue to be rational and is the reason why removal is necessary. Controlling my breath helps to calm my body and mind. Thus, the first thing I do after removing myself is slowing my breath. I close my eyes and inhale for 5 seconds and exhale for 8. I usually do this for about five minutes. Sometimes I listen to a guided meditation specifically for diffusing anger to further calm me.

3. Take a Break

Once you have calmed your body, take a mental break. During this time you may listen to some calming music, read a book, watch a show or do anything that is calming to your mind. I like to listen to uplifting music or watch a comedic show to lift my mood. If I can get myself to laugh, then I am able to continue the day on a better note than before. Taking a break will help you to get your mind off of the negative situation so that when you come back to thinking about it, you can have better insight on what happened.

4. Vent

It is of vital importance that we don't “bottle up,” our feelings. This is because when we don’t address our feelings as they come, they will eventually resurface and shape our character in a negative way. Therefore, after taking a break from the situation and gaining insight, we should vent to someone we trust about what happened, how we feel and why we feel that way. My go-to people to vent to are my mother, husband and best friend. You should vent to people who will really listen to you and make you feel heard. Personally, I like to write out my feelings as well because it helps me to get out everything that I had been keeping in.

5. Let it Go

After venting my feelings, we should choose to let it go. This is essential in diffusing anger. As Dr. Phil has said, “Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re saying what they did was ok.” Rather, you are not allowing that person and or situation to burden you with sadness and anger. Thus, you don’t have to be friends with those who have hurt you but you should not allow them to shape your character negatively.

Giving into anger, discouragement and frustration can cloud our mind with negativity, keeping us from progressing. My friends, it is absolutely ok to feel these feelings. It only becomes an issue when we allow these feelings to shape our character in a negative way. Remember to be your own best friend and to love yourself enough to not be consumed with anger. You have so many great qualities! So let those qualities be the defining characteristics of yourself even in times of anger and frustration. And always remember that positivity is a journey!