3 Self-Destructive Habits You Need to Stop

I came to the stark realization this last week that I have been holding myself back for years. I have kept myself from accomplishing some of my goals, loving myself and embracing who I am. I sometimes unconsciously degrade myself to the level of self-destruction with these three habits: preparing to fail, not fully grasping my worth and not embracing who I am. In recent years, this has improved greatly and I am proud of where I'm at right now. I think many people have these habits too and it saddens me to know that they don't see how incredible they really are. We are our own worst critic and it is a toxic mindset to have. We need to become our own best friend and rid ourselves of these nasty habits for good!

1. You Have a Self-Defeating Mindset

If you are like me, you are so afraid to make a mistake at work, school, cheerleading, band, parenthood etc. that you are afraid to be autonomous. Your negative self-talk has a huge impact on your attitude and actions. If you repeat in your mind "I'm going to get fired because I lack the skill, I lack the competence, I keep messing up and everyone sees that. They see me as a failure. I am a failure. It's only a matter of time before it happens," enough times you start to believe it and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You feel like no matter what you do, something will go wrong and you will fail. Then when you do make a mistake, you say to yourself that the mistake is the confirmation that you are not good enough. You feel the need to be reassured that what your doing is correct because you don't trust yourself nor your judgement.

However, as I'm learning with time, you need to have confidence in yourself. Yes, there is a learning curve to everything you do in life. Yes you will probably make some mistakes and maybe fail from time to time, but that is okay! Guess what, Walt Disney wouldn't have the company that stands today had he not failed several times and learned from them.

If you struggle, that's okay! Everybody makes mistakes! Even professional office workers, athletes, film makers, musicians, actors, presidents and scientists make mistakes. We are not robots. We are only human. We need lighten up on ourselves. We need groom our minds for positive self-talk: "I can do this, I am learning, I have the skills, I have the know-how, I have the tools, I am doing the best I can." If you are doing your best, that is all anyone can ask of you. That's all you should ask of yourself.

2. You Don't Understand Your Worth

I think it is a tendency in our culture that we degrade ourselves in order to come off as humble. However, when you say degrading comments to yourself both verbally and mentally enough, you start to believe them. This can cloud the way you see yourself: "I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm a failure, I'm weak, I'm not worth loving."

We treat ourselves the way we think we deserve to be treated. We also teach others how to treat us. This can be dangerous. Never allow anyone, especially yourself, to treat you any less than the amazing person you are. You are not a piece of trash on the side of the road! Anyone who treats you as such needs to be cut out of your life.

Your worth can not be matched to any dollar amount because you are priceless. You may not feel like it but you are the most precious jewel in someone else's life.

Think about your friends, family and significant other, all the amazing people in your life. They have been changed in some way because of you! They'd do anything for you because you mean that much to them.

You are a human being, and beyond that you are a Queen/King. You have a divine worth, in my opinion. You have so much to offer this world because of your kind heart and passion. There is no one else on this Earth that can be you. You are the only one of your kind. You are unique. Use it to your advantage! Love yourself because you are worth loving.

3. You Are Trying To Be Someone You're Not

I believe that living a successful life isn't measured by money, fame nor college degrees. It is measured by our happiness and fulfilling the desires of our hearts (family, travel, hobbies etc.).

This is different for everyone. There are some who wish for an invigorating career, there are many who wish for a family, there are others who wish for riches and there are several who wish for all of it.

We all know that saying, "become the person you want to be." I have noticed that a lot of people take this to mean that they need to completely abandon who they are to get to where they want to go in life. I often find that these people are unsuccessful in reaching their goals and become unhappy; thus, self-destruction.

Mulan for instance, was trying to become the person she thought she was supposed to be. She was told that she had to be quiet, meek, submissive and get married in order to bring honor to her family. Despite trying her best, she utterly failed at it and was miserable. Had she continued on that way, her life would have been depressing.

Once she embraced who she was, intelligent, brave, head-strong and a warrior, she was successful in her goals and became the happiest she has ever been. Her reflection finally showed who she was on the inside.

Lindsey Stirling is another great example of someone who has embraced who they are. She wanted to become a performer and now she is one of the most unique performers there are. She is known for dancing while playing the violin. Recently in her latest show, she flew through the air by her hair, dancing and playing the violin. How incredible is that?!

Her concerts are completely different in comparison to other solo violinists. They are so unlike any concert I have ever been to. The music, choreography, visuals and the energy is uniquely phenomenal. That is why people love to attend her concerts so much!

Do you think she would be as successful as she is right now had she not stayed true to who she is? I certainly don't think so. Maybe she could have joined an orchestra, a community band, perform at fancy restaurants or became a studio musician, which are all great things. However, she had a vision for herself and she stuck to it. She could have taken the easy route and conformed to the traditional violinist routes, but she wouldn't have the creative impact that she has today.

I believe that "becoming the person you want to be," actually means to become the best version of yourself; Becoming motivated, confident, stronger, adventurous and embracing who you are. This doesn't mean we change our personality, our interests, our style or our identity to fit the bubble of who we want to become. It just means that we evolve through personal growth.

Conclusion

My Friends, you deserve to live the life of your dreams. You deserve to love yourself as you grow into yourself each and every day. You deserve to be yourself and love it! You are worth loving and you are worth fighting for. Never forget that! Never lower yourself because the world says you are not worthy of standing in the sun. You are more than worthy. As far as I am concern, you are the sun and the world needs you.