3 Reasons Why Cutting Ties Can Be for the Best

As children we were taught to be friends with everyone. We were told to befriend those who were unkind to us so that our kindness might rub off on them. We were told that this is the way of the good people; the people who make a difference in the world. But what if having those friends does more harm than good?

Have you ever noticed how you feel before and after you hang out with your friends? Do you ever play off your friend's rude behavior as joking or just trying to help? Do you ever feel worse after hanging out with them? Do you ever feel you are internally making excuses for their behavior? I have felt this way many times and it took me a while to realize that their behavior was not okay. I had to learn that I deserved friends that treated me well.

My friends, you do not have to make nor keep friends who do more harm to you than good. You don't have to be friends with someone because you happen to have things in common nor because they approached you. There is a difference between being friendly and being friends. You can be kind and friendly with anyone without having a relationship and I firmly believe that we should be kind to all. Here are the three types of people that you should cut ties with.

1. The Judgmental Friend

Friends are supposed to lift you up when you are down and be there for you in the good times and the bad. One of the greatest benefits of having friends is that they can both directly and indirectly boost your self-esteem and confidence just by the way they cheer you on, motivate you and inspire you. However, when a friend does the opposite the consequences are as follows: low self-esteem, low confidence, self-doubt and low motivation.

Degrading and judging someone in itself is is not okay from anyone and it is especially unacceptable when it comes from your friends. The Judgemental Friend is the one that criticizes your personality, appearance and actions. They may say that they are joking or they are trying to help but in reality it is their way of making themselves feel better. They may ridicule you in public, in front of your peers and even behind your back.

Sometimes it may be easy to dismiss it as joking or to make exceptions that "this is just their personality," but it doesn’t matter because this behavior is not okay. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You need to love yourself enough to not take anyone's degrading criticism. And love yourself enough to cut ties with someone who treats you in such a way.

2. The User

We all know that saying, “what are friends for.” Friends help each other out. They look our for each other and are there for each other through thick and thin. Yes, this is what friends are for, as long as it is reciprocated; Favors are exchanged, gratitude is exchanged, a relationship is invested in. The issue occurs when one friend is putting all their efforts into the relationship while the other is only partially invested.

This is the friend that often asks for favors with no real desire to hang out with you. This is the friend who might hang out with you because of your connections or because it is convenient to have you around at the time. They might ask you to give them rides, help with homework, borrow your clothes, use your things, break up with someone for them, set up a date, buy them food, cover a shift at work or to take notes for them in class.

And it's okay to do favors for a friend as long as they are grateful and are just as invested in the friendship as you are. However, if you noticed that they ask you for favors often and spend little time hanging out with you, then it is time to leave. In truth, they are not interested in having a sincere relationship with you. This person is just wasting your time and energy. You are not a doormat for anyone. Love yourself enough to cut ties with them.

3.The Emotion Drainer

As I have said, friends are always there for each other especially during the bad times. We all want to be listened to and have a shoulder to cry on. One of my best friends has been incredible in this area. I am grateful to say that my circle may be smaller than other people but I have the most amazing friends in this world. I can count on them for anything and they can count on me for anything as well.

If you are more of a quiet and meek personality much like myself, then it is easy to get taken advantage of. The emotional drainer is that friend who only wants to dump their emotional issues and negative thinking upon you. Every time you see them, all they want to talk about is themselves, their drama and how everything in this world is so negative. They may even get themselves into bad situations so that they can call you to tell you about them.

Yes, I have had a friend that I loved dearly who would do this often. It was difficult because it increased my anxiety for her and my depression. I was often worried for her, and that was her goal. No one deserves to be treated this way. For the sake of our mental health, it is necessary to cut ties with these people when this occurs.

My Story:

As an adolescent I often kept friends who degraded me, used me, competed with me and emotionally drained me, all because I thought that I needed to be friends with everyone. As I was taught in church, I needed to be the light in everyone's life.

As I look back at my middle school and high school years, I realized that it was filled with so much sadness because of the friends I kept. Due to this, I had low self-esteem, low confidence, low motivation and increasing depression and anxiety.

One of my friends would yell at me in front of my peers about how ugly I looked. Another friend would use me for car rides and would dump all her drama on me. Another friend was always so negative about everything that it became hard for me to be around her. She would also use me to borrow my jackets and to try to cheat off my homework.

A friend that I loved dearly became so competitive with me that she had us try on the same dresses from Macy's clothing store and send pictures to a boy that I liked (at the time) so that he could declare who looked prettier. I had another friend who judged me because my clothes were not, in her eyes, "modest" enough and she would degrade me for my personality and background.

Cutting ties with each of these friends was more than necessary, it was essential for me to become the person I wanted to be; strong, happy, positive and confident. Was having someone to hang out with worth the negative effects? Absolutely not! I had to learn that I deserved better friends; people who genuinely wanted to be around me. Not someone to degrade me, use me, drain me nor compete with me.

Conclusion:

It is absolutely okay to cut ties! You are not obligated to be anyone’s friend. Always be kind and friendly but choose your friends wisely. They can mean the difference between great mental health and declining mental health. Choose friends that you want to be like! Choose friends who inspire you, motivate you and will always reciprocate your feelings. You deserve it!